The last five months have brought about immense self rediscovery, embracing the darkness, swimming through a fog of clouded perceptions of what it is to be alive. To be Life.
I've noticed there are currents to ride upon. Most likely more than just these two being of drastic dualistic nature but simply put:
The current of existing from lack, without, feeling in separation, shame and guilt, and deep sadness. There is never enough, how will I ever, No one loves me, I wish I would have, should have, could have. Sacrificing health and wellness to accomplish meaningless tasks that do not nurture our souls purpose.
The current of abundance, unity, joy, expression, trust, faith and belief. Knowing that all is in divine order and timing. All is how it should be. Finding peace in the acceptance of what is. Making every act sacred. Seeing the twinkling light within all beings and experiences. Believing that because you support yourself, life will support you.
Riding these currents dictates so much of our life experience. When looking through the tainted lenses of the lack perception, you see life as the dreary existence of humanity suffering, without, violence and fear. It is all you see because it is framework of your thought basis. You feel lack, you see lack. Complain and feel complacent.
I believe riding these lower currents teach us so much. Where would we be without pain and suffering? If I hadn't fallen into the dark fog, if I hadn't made the choices that led me down the roads I've been, stumbling, hobbling; I wouldn't be who I am in this divine moment.
I've chosen to create my own stepping stones as I go. I've chosen to soar up to a higher life current.
Experiencing solitude, embracing the Pain has taught me to pay attention. At these times of deep pain, the future is too terrifying to contemplate, the past to painful to remember, all there is left-is to be in the present moment. In this moment of clarity is when I can take it all in that is around me. It is alright in this moment. True acceptance.
Feeling a sense of unity with Divinity through solitude, reflection and appreciation through paying attention.
Paying attention to all things. To the way the sidewalk shifts and the directional changes of cracks in the pavement. To the different kinds shrubbery alongside the walkway, noticing their differential traits. Notice the birds, the animals, the insects. To stop and feel the breeze, to watch it flow through and around you. To admire the moon. To be quiet and listen.
Paying attention is an act of connection. Your essence feels complete in noticing small and great acts of beauty that surround you.