Sunday, May 12, 2013

Following my heart & Returning "Home"

"First, you need to decide what you are going to do. This may sound like a simple step, or like you’ve already done it, but let me tell you, it’s the hardest, and most important step in being tough. Once you make the commitment to do something, then almost nothing can stop you. [...] So take comfort in knowing that no matter what decision you make, or what direction you want to pursue, it’s going to be amazing because it’s your path, your decision, your direction. There’s beauty in the successes and the failures of your journey. Soak up every ounce of it and know that you’re becoming a better human being."

-Casey Burgener

Here I am finding myself at the end of a lease........and even with an awesome roommate possibility, steady work, new jobs and other opportunities manifesting; my heart doesn't feel at home here. I wake up sad. 
After a lot of thought I can't bring myself to sign another lease. It makes me feel anxious. I know it is not the right thing to do. I must follow my heart. Move back to Portland, OR. 

I've flip-flopped with the notion for months. Friends, family have said "No, no, you've finally got a stable job, friends, opportunities, things are finally working out for you." and I would agree. I do see the things pointed out. But they just don't feel right. You may see all this on the outside but how many mornings will I have to convince myself that I am happy? Focus on gratitude, to fight the tears streaming down my face because I don't want to be here? For what?! For WHO? It's not for me that is for certain.

I do not want to stay here in Denver because of fear. What about money? What about work? People ask me? What will you do? I have no worries. I have no fears when I picture myself in Portland. What about the stress of being sad and depressed? of staying in a place I do not want too? 

"The best opportunities are frequently the ones with the most question marks." Reid Hoffman

Beautiful things are manifesting as I have made this decision! There is a hoop workshop in Missoula, MT which will help me stir up some MUCH NEEDED funds. I am very grateful for the opportunity. Sunday June 30th 2pm

I also have donations for gas money set up to my paypal account Any donation I will offer a trade of services for! Such as nutrition counseling  personal training workout advice, program design, private zumba lessons. All available via skype/google hang out!

"You must be willing to open your heart over and over despite life's hard knocks and unpredictable obstacles. There's no getting out of the darkness until you let in some light."

"Never leave a place to run away from something, only leave to move towards something."

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